


These Fractured Pieces

by RandomLifeUnit



Series: Paralyzed [2]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety, Art, Fluff, Gen, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Panic, Personal Growth, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Scars, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Doubt, Self-Esteem Issues, Therapy, Whumptober
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-16
Updated: 2020-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:34:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 9,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28448484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RandomLifeUnit/pseuds/RandomLifeUnit
Summary: Sean begins to open up a little more about what he endured, finding a little light in the darkness.
Series: Paralyzed [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2083797





	1. Emerging

It was amazing.   
He was actually starting to feel halfway normal hanging out with his friends after an early dinner that Friday.  
He'd sneaked his dad a covert thumbs-up when the meal was over, and Dennis had headed into the study to read, like they'd agreed on.   
Now he and his friends were watching reruns of their favorite shows in the living room, talking over the top of most of the scenes. Jonathan and Ryan always had something funny to add to each moment, and Sean felt surprised by the laughter bubbling up out of him. It felt strange, but in a good way. Angela and the friend she had brought, Rebecca, giggled at their shared humor and Angela stuck her tongue out at the boys. Sean just coasted among the camraderie, glad to be included after so long of a hiatus from his friends. He didn't know Rebecca well, but when she turned and smiled warmly at him, his return smile was genuine.  
Ryan reached for the bowl of snack mix on the coffee table near the couch.   
"How can you possibly be hungry again?" Jonathan teased him, poking him in the gut. "You had four slices of pizza!"   
Ryan just grinned and grabbed a handful. He tossed an M&M at Jonathan, who caught it successfully in his mouth, eliciting cheers from his friends.  
Sean rose from the couch to grab a drink. "Anyone want some soda?" he called from the refrigerator. A chorus of responses echoed from the living room, so he brought four more cans with him. He handed them out, leaving Ryan's and Jonathan's on the coffee table since they were busy tackling each other. He leaned against the side of the couch, watching them with a smile.   
Angela whispered to Rebecca, seated next to her on the loveseat, and she laughed quietly. Angela then furtively grabbed the remote, flipped the channel to cartoons, and started counting quietly. "One... two... three..."   
"Hey! I was watching that!" Jonathan yelled, making Angela throw her head back in laughter. "Becca and I were wondering how long it would take you to notice," she snickered. "You weren't even looking at the screen!"   
"It's my favorite episode!" Jonathan countered, making a grab for the remote. Angela dangled it just out of reach, and Jonathan yelled in mock anger as he reached out to tickle her, making her drop the remote. He snagged it and threw his hands up in victory, while she squealed and threw a weak punch into his midsection. Grinning nonchalantly, he sat back down, flipping the channel back to the show.   
Sean chuckled quietly and moved to sit back down at his end of the couch. Awareness hit with a jolt that he’d miscalculated, jostling Rebecca’s elbow on the way. Turning quickly to look, he stared in horror as her soda wobbled and spilled onto her arm and down her leg. Her head snapped up, a frown briefly creasing her brow. A memory suddenly surfaced in Sean's mind. The low voice of his attacker ground out, "How could you have been so stupid? Look what you've done now. _I told you not to move..."_ Time seemed to slow, and sounds seemed to fade as he started shaking, backing away from everyone with jerky motions. Breath catching in his throat, he dashed up the stairs to his room. Collapsing on his bed, he threw his hands over his face. Shame filled his head as tears squeezed out of his eyes. _Stupid! What a stupid idea this was to try this. How could I think I could pretend to be normal again? And now look at me--crying like a baby. Can't even handle a little time with friends without messing everything up. What an idiot!_

Downstairs, his friends all looked at each other in consternation. What had just happened? Rebecca stood and excused herself, heading into the kitchen. Rinsing off her arm, she grabbed a towel and dried the soda off her leg as best she could. Resolutely she strode for the study, and finding the door ajar, she knocked tentatively as she stepped inside.  
"Mr. Reynolds?" she asked softly.   
"Yes, Rebecca?" he answered her.  
"Um...you know how you told us that Sean went through something tough, and that he might not be quite over it yet?"  
"Yes?" he responded, his mind on sudden alert.  
"Well...I think I somehow made something happen," she said contritely. "He bumped me, and my soda spilled, and when I looked up at him, he got really pale and ran upstairs. I feel bad, and wondered if it would help if I apologized."   
It took a few moments for Dennis to think this over, but then he answered, "It's not your fault, but it might help for you to try. Keep in mind, he may be really upset right now, so if he doesn't want to talk, don't push him. Just come and get me, okay?" he looked at her intensely for a moment.   
Rebecca nodded, her face serious. "I will," she promised.   
"Okay then, go ahead. Gently," he admonished. "His room is the first one on the right at the top of the stairs."


	2. Tentative

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I promise, I was a completely normal person before all this," he tried to assure her. "I didn't use to be like... this." Staring at the floor, he wished more than anything that he could be calm right now.

Rebecca headed back through the living room, whispering to Angela that she was going to go talk to Sean. Angela nodded.  
Rebecca ascended the stairs quietly, feeling bad for Sean and whatever he had gone through, and hoping she could help ease his mind about the soda spill.   
She knocked on his door softly. A muffled, "Come in" came from the other side of the door, so she turned the handle and stepped inside hesitantly. A loud gasp and scrambling sound made her turn, seeing Sean sitting up on his bed, frantically scrubbing at his face with the back of his hand. She could see he was shaking.   
"I thought you were my dad," Sean said, feeling completely turned inside out with shame and self-consciousness. He looked away, trying to keep his hands from trembling.  
Rebecca felt her heart contract in sadness for Sean. "I'm so sorry," she said. "I didn't mean to embarrass you at all. I just felt bad, because I know the spill was an accident, but when you left, I worried that you got the idea I was angry. So I wanted to apologize in case I upset you."   
Sean's mouth hung open slightly. _"You_ want to apologize to _me_? _I'm_ the one who messed everything up and...and..." he covered his face with one hand. "I'm sorry," he sighed, eyes closed, voice shaking. "I have...this problem...from some bad stuff...that happened to me. It makes me act...weird." He cringed internally at how lame his explanation sounded. The room was silent for a moment, and he sighed quietly, assuming she had left.   
Suddenly his bed was dipping a bit and his eyes flew open. Rebecca perched on the edge, looking uncertain. "I know we don't know each other well," she said, "But do you want to talk about it?"   
Sean's mouth fell open again. He closed it quickly, and looked down. This felt like too much of a risk. Rebecca seemed like a nice person. But how could he explain something so awful... so personal? "You don't have to do that," he sighed again, looking away, wishing desperately that he could take her up on her offer.  
Rebecca felt torn. She could tell Sean felt uncomfortable, but at the same time, she felt strangely compelled to comfort him, if she could. "It's okay. I don't mind," she tried to reassure him.   
Sean's mouth went dry. Wow. He was really going to do this. He felt a slight tremor starting again in one hand, and he flexed his fingers, trying to relax. "Okay," he heard himself say. _I hope you don't regret this,_ he thought, both for himself, and for her.   
Blowing out a breath, mind scrambling, he tried to make a start at some logical point. "I... have PTSD," he started, feeling the self-deprication rising even higher at the words leaving his mouth. "It means post-traumatic stress disorder," he began to explain.  
"I've heard of it," Rebecca nodded.  
Sean's heart skipped a beat. Very quietly, he said, "I didn't even know what it was until I started going to therapy a little over a month ago." He felt burning shame in admitting he needed therapy, but his companion simply nodded, and her face seemed open and encouraging. "I promise, I was a completely normal person before all this," he tried to assure her. "I didn't use to be like... this." Staring at the floor, he wished more than anything that he could be calm right now.   
Silence fell for a moment, and then he heard her voice, asking quietly, "Would it help to talk about what happened?"   
His heart began to race. Was he going to talk about it? Here, now? Could he do it without freaking out this time? Swallowing hard, his breaths came faster as the tremor in his hand increased. _Nope, this was a mistake,_ he realized too late, as panic began to swamp his senses.  
Suddenly a warm, firm pressure on his hand broke him out of the downward spiral. Rebecca had reached out, and in his surprise, he forgot his fear for a moment. "Thanks," he whispered.  
"Whatever happened to you...it must have been awful," she said in sympathy.   
"Yeah," he answered, his throat feeling tight. He was absolutely NOT going to cry in front of this girl. He cleared his throat. "I got kidnapped." There. He had said it. The relief felt intense, but short-lived.   
"Whoa," she responded, her eyes widening in shock. "How did you get away?" she asked after a few moments.   
"The police found me. I guess I went by ambulance to the hospital. My dad was there when I woke up."   
Rebecca remained silent, her expression grave. "Were you...hurt?" she asked in a low voice.  
"Yeah," he answered, squeezing his eyes shut. He wasn't sure how much to say. He didn't want to freak her out. "Let's just say some of the scars will probably be there for the rest of my life." _In more ways than one,_ he thought ruefully to himself.   
"I'm so sorry," she murmured. "That must have been so awful. I can't imagine."  
"Thanks," he answered quietly, looking down at her hand covering his. "Thank you for...talking with me."   
She gave his hand a squeeze and withdrew her hand from his. "You're welcome," she said. "Are you feeling better?"   
"Yeah...a little," he smiled, feeling a new warmth spreading in his chest.   
Rebecca smiled back. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you suspect you or a loved one may have post-traumatic stress disorder, talk to your doctor or therapist about it. Here are some resources for further reading.  
> https://www.nami.org/Learn-More/Mental-Health-Conditions/Posttraumatic-Stress-Disorder/Support  
> https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/ptsd  
> If you're feeling down, depressed, or suicidal, please reach out for help.  
> The National Suicide Hotline number (for the USA) is 1-800-273-8255. They're available 24/7.  
> PTSD isn't something only experienced by military service members. It can develop after someone experiences or witnesses something traumatic or life-threatening. Here is more about that: https://nami.org/Blogs/NAMI-Blog/November-2017/PTSD-and-Trauma-Not-Just-for-Veterans
> 
> PTSD can look different for different people. You don't have to have every symptom listed to have PTSD. 
> 
> Please reach out for help. Don't suffer alone.


	3. Friendship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sean couldn’t believe that talking with Rebecca had gone that well. His brain had come up with so many horrifying potential scenarios when she had come into his room, and seen him at one of his lowest moments. But she hadn’t flinched, she hadn’t left, and she hadn’t made fun of him.

Sean couldn’t believe that talking with Rebecca had gone that well. His brain had come up with so many horrifying potential scenarios when she had come into his room, and seen him at one of his lowest moments. But she hadn’t flinched, she hadn’t left, and she hadn’t made fun of him. He didn’t know what he’d done to deserve her compassion, but he felt gratitude filling his heart.

Rebecca looked at Sean, and asked carefully, “So…do you want to go back downstairs?” All of Sean’s good feelings fled in that moment, like a beautiful bubble bursting. His gut tightened and he felt sweat break out on his forehead. “Um…” he tried to articulate a response. “I… don’t… know if that’s a good idea,” he stammered.

“Why not?” she asked.

Sean closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose, blowing out a breath. He did _not_ want to be having this conversation.

“I hope you don’t feel bad about what happened. I’ll bet your friends won’t mind though, and I’ll go with you, okay?"

Sean dragged a hand over his face, sighing deeply. "Ugh… I guess so.” he looked at the floor, his stomach in knots, not feeling ready at all.

Rebecca stood and took his hand again, tugging him upright. “Just try to relax, all right? Everything will be okay."

Sean wanted to tell her he wasn’t convinced of that, but he didn’t want to be rude. The pressure of her hand on his felt good, though, and it seemed to help a little. They descended the stairs together, and Rebecca didn’t let go of his hand when they reached the living room. All of his friends were looking at him, their expectant faces sparking dread in his gut.

Jonathan was the first to respond. He stood quickly and exclaimed, "You all right, man? What happened?”

 _Oh no._ Sean’s mind scrambled. What could he possibly say? He looked down and tried to get his breathing under control. His hand shook despite Rebecca’s firm grip on it. She gave his hand a squeeze.

“Sean’s been through a lot, and he just needed a moment,” she said decisively. Jonathan nodded, then hesitated a moment before sitting back down on the couch. He scooted over, making room for Sean. Sean sat down gingerly as Rebecca let go of his hand, reclaiming her own seat. He sent her a look he hoped conveyed his gratitude. She smiled at him and started chatting with Angela. That seemed to break the tension, and Sean felt himself relax a little as Ryan and Jonathan resumed their own conversation.

Dennis Reynolds strode to the kitchen, asking loudly, “Who wants dessert? We’ve got chocolate-chip cookies and brownies.” Ryan cheered and pumped his fist in the air, eliciting more teasing from Jonathan as they all rose and made their way into the kitchen.

After dessert, Ryan announced that his parents would probably want him home soon, as it was getting late. Angela had driven her parent’s old car over, so all four friends piled into her vehicle for a ride to their homes. Sean waved from the doorway, relieved in the extreme that the evening was over. He headed back inside, climbing the stairs to his room. Exhaustion suddenly enveloped him, and he sat down on the edge of his bed, head in his hands.

Dennis knocked on the open door and poked his head inside. “Mind if I come in?” he asked. Sean nodded. “Sure, Dad.”

“Well, Bud, how do you feel like that went for you? I hope it was all right that I told Rebecca she could come up.”

“She asked your permission?” Sean’s eyes widened.

“Yes, she did. She felt that she was somehow to blame for setting you off, and she wanted to try to make it right. I hope you don’t mind, but I explained to each of your friends before they came, that you had been through something difficult, and weren’t quite recovered from it yet. I wanted to make sure they would go easy on you,” he added. “I didn’t give them any other details beyond that,” he hastened to clarify.

Sean sat for a moment, blowing out a breath. Part of him felt a little embarrassed that his dad had talked to his friends for him, but he also felt relieved that they at least had been made aware. “So that’s why Rebecca came to you first?” he wondered. “Yes, I think so,” Dennis answered. “She wanted to make sure it was okay for her to come talk to you. It felt right to agree, but I was still hoping that it worked out all right for you– that I’d made the right choice.”

“Yeah, actually, it worked out pretty well,” Sean said, his hand coming up to rub the back of his neck, a half smile on his face. “She was really nice.” Dennis smiled. “I can’t tell you how glad that makes me,” he said, giving Sean a hug. Sean hugged him back, hard. “Thanks for always being here for me,” he said, his voice muffled in his father’s shoulder. “You know I love you,” Dennis responded, ruffling his hair. Sean laughed and scooted back out of his reach. “Love you too.”


	4. Running

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grabbing his bike from the garage, he swung his leg over and sat down, trying desperately to block the memories that were attempting to flood his mind. He was just going for a bike ride; nothing more! "It's no big deal!" he ground out through clenched teeth. He strapped on his helmet and took off down the road, trying to outpace his feelings.

Sean knew he needed to go back to school. It had been haunting his dreams, dogging his every step. The thought surfaced at random times---when his dad left for work; when a friend texted him. When no one texted him, because they were in the middle of class. When he talked to his therapist, Emma. While sympathetic, she gently continued to encourage him in a forward direction. He kept trying to make up his mind to just do it, but something inside him tried to crawl screaming up into his throat and seize his vocal cords every time. 

His phone buzzed on a Thursday afternoon. He looked at the message casually before doing a double-take. Rebecca?!   
_Hi, Sean. I hope you don't mind me getting your number from Angela. I've been thinking about you, and just wondered how you are doing._  
_Rebecca_  
Sean's eyes widened and he felt both pleasure and anxiety churning in his gut.  
Before sending a reply message, he looked it over once more, indecision making him hesitate.  
_Hi, Rebecca. No, I don't mind. Thanks for messaging me. I'm doing okay. Trying to talk myself into going back to school._  
Punching send, he headed downstairs to work on washing dishes, hoping he hadn't shared too much. He set his phone on the table and rolled up his sleeves, trying to keep from stealing glances back at the blank screen.   
The mounting guilt and anxiety about school and work drove him from room to room, scrubbing here, picking up there, running a load of laundry, making his bed. He tried not to look at the discoloration on the wall where his mirror used to be. His dad had asked him if he wanted a new one, but he hadn't thought that was a good idea. Suddenly angry at the memory of the incident, he hastily ran downstairs to grab a hammer. He ripped a framed picture off his bedroom wall, yanking the nail out, and moved to hang it in place of the mirror. Hammering the nail forcefully into the wall felt good until he suddenly made contact with his index finger. Swearing loudly, he dropped the hammer on the floor, squeezing his eyes shut and holding his finger tightly. Frustration and anxiety warred in his mind, and he felt like he was going to go crazy. Shaking slightly, he grabbed his phone and a jacket, and decided to go ride his bike. He jogged downstairs and locked the door on his way out. Grabbing his bike from the garage, he swung his leg over and sat down, trying desperately to block the memories that were attempting to flood his mind. He was just going for a bike ride; nothing more! _"It's no big deal!"_ he ground out through clenched teeth. He strapped on his helmet and took off down the road, trying to outpace his feelings. His heart racing, breath heaving, he flew across the pavement, homes whizzing past him in a blur. Tears drying on his face, he pushed himself faster, and faster, as he reached the outskirts of his neighborhood. All he knew in those moments was the heavy ache in his chest, the blood pounding in his head, and the deafening rush of the wind in his ears.

Suddenly Sean's awareness came down to earth with a thump. The park loomed ahead of him on the right. How had he gotten this far from home? As he turned in and coasted down one of the main paths, he spotted a park bench ahead. He climbed off of his bike and sat down hard, fatigue beginning to crash over him. He put his head into his hands and tried to get his breathing and heart rate to calm down. A sudden vibrating in his pocket made him nearly jump off the seat. Blowing out a breath, he grabbed his phone out. "Hi, Dad," he answered it, trying not to sound as breathless as he felt.   
"Sean! Where are you?" Dennis asked, sounding exasperated and worried. "I've been trying to reach you for twenty-five minutes!"   
Sean panicked for a moment as he looked at his watch. He'd been out for two hours? "Whoa. I'm...really sorry. I totally...lost track of time," he said in between breaths. "I'm at the park."  
"What are you doing there?" his dad asked incredulously.  
"I rode my...bike here," Sean said, wincing at the worry in his dad's voice.   
"You rode all the way to the _park?"_  
"Uh...yeah," Sean answered awkwardly. "You could have left a note!" his dad rarely raised his voice at Sean, so he knew he was in trouble this time. "I had no idea where you were or what had happened to you!"   
"I'm sorry, Dad." Sean put a hand over his eyes. "I didn't mean to worry you. I wasn't thinking. I'll head home right now."   
"I'm coming to get you," Dennis said. "It's going to get dark soon. Stay put, okay? I'll be there in about thirty minutes."  
"All right," Sean answered, feeling the remorse climbing higher.   
He hung up, leaning back on the bench, feeling more weary than he had in a long time. Dread filled his stomach as he waited for his dad to arrive. As he looked at his phone, he saw he had a reply message from Rebecca as well. He didn't want to read it right now--he felt too overwhelmed and exhausted.

Dennis pulled up about a half hour later, and Sean peeled himself off the park bench, feeling like his legs were weighted. Dennis got out and popped the back open, helping Sean lift the bike. Sean was grateful for the help--- fatigue and guilt felt like they were crushing him simultaneously. He got into the passenger side and buckled in, putting his head in his hands.  
They drove in silence for awhile before Dennis spoke. His voice had softened somewhat. "I'm glad you're safe. You had me pretty worried. It's almost dark now and I...I just can't lose you again, Bud."   
Sean's gut twisted, his guilt razor-sharp. "I'm really sorry." It felt lame, but no other words seemed adequate.  
"You're sure you're all right, though?" Dennis asked, concern still evident in his voice.  
Sean blew out a breath. "Yeah... just tired," he answered wearily, feeling on the edge of tears.  
"What possessed you to ride out this far from home?" his father pressed.  
Answering that question felt harder than it should have been. Sean's eyes squeezed shut and he felt himself tensing up. "I was at home, while all my friends were at school, and I should be there, but I'm not. I should be working in the afternoons. I should be...getting better. I should be stronger than this. I'm so _tired_ of being a disappointment to my boss, my friends... everyone." His gaze flicked hastily to his father before looking away again. "I grabbed my bike and... just... tried not to feel, I guess. I don't even remember how I got out this far."   
Dennis nodded slowly, remaining silent.   
"I... I want to have a normal life. And it's so _f_ _rustrating_ to not be able to do the things I want--need-- _should_ be doing anymore." Sean's hands curled into fists, shaking slightly. Tears welled in his eyes and he blinked rapidly, trying to hold them at bay.  
Dennis glanced at his son as he turned onto their street. He placed a hand on Sean's shoulder. "We'll figure this out, okay? It'll be all right."   
"All right," Sean answered wearily, wishing everything were different.   
Once they arrived home and the bike was put away, he fled upstairs and collapsed into bed, eager to forget everything, and faintly hoping tomorrow might be different.


	5. Reluctance

  
Sunlight spilled onto Sean's face from his poorly-closed curtain the next morning. He groaned and turned away from the unwelcome wake-up call. His mind, however, began churning. Today was another day of therapy. Part of him looked forward to it, as faint tendrils of trust had begun to solidify between his therapist and himself. But part of him always dreaded showing up, fearing she would find out what a mess he really was inside. He dragged himself out of bed, the conflicting emotions making him wish he could just disappear.

The hot water in the shower beat down as he lingered there, trying to gather his thoughts. _Get it together. Chill out. You've done this a bunch of times. It's no big deal._ He took a deep breath and stepped out, drying off and getting dressed while trying to steel his nerves. 

His therapist smiled at him and greeted him as he stepped in and sat down in her office. "How are you today?" Emma asked.  
Sean hated this part. The awkward moments where he tried to put into words what he was feeling. He didn't feel like he was any good at it, and he made a face at her question. He put his head in his hands and sighed deeply.   
"Want to talk about it?" Emma prodded gently. Sean appreciated the inquiry, yet he felt reluctant to open his mouth. He sighed again and decided there was nothing to do but try.   
"Yesterday I was an ass," he started, not making eye contact. "I made my dad worry for nothing. I just know he's going to get sick of my crap and just...go off on me someday. Tell me how he really feels. But he keeps giving me all this... _help_ and _support_ and it makes me feel like I'm a....waste of space.  
"I keep trying to tell myself to just show up at school and see what happens. How hard can it be? Or put in a couple of hours at work. Piece of cake, right?" he stated sarcastically. "Yeah, right. Why would anything be _easy?"_ He closed his mouth, feeling he'd said all the wrong things.  
Emma asked, "What exactly was it that happened yesterday that worried your dad? I can tell you feel badly about it."  
Sean clenched his jaw. "It was stupid," he replied, looking away.   
Emma waited in silence.   
"I went for a bike ride...and didn't tell him where I was going. I ended up being gone over two hours and...he didn't know where I was. He was worried sick."  
"That's quite a long ride," Emma stated.   
"It was the first time I'd gotten back on the bike," Sean said quietly, glancing up at her briefly.   
"I don't even remember how I ended up at the park. I just got on and...went. I was too amped up being at home and I needed to get away from everything."  
"Perhaps it was more important than you think," Emma said. "This bike ride was a pretty big deal. It was the first time you've ridden that bike since you were abducted."   
Sean's gut clenched at hearing it spelled out so plainly.  
"I'm proud of you that you were able to get back on it," she went on. "That can't have been easy, and I imagine there were a lot of painful feelings involved."  
"I just...tried not to feel anything, to be honest," Sean said, not feeling like he should be congratulated for this.  
"What else is on your mind?" she prodded.  
Sean blew out a breath and was silent a moment. His mind was churning with many thoughts, and he tried to find one that would sum them all up. "I think..." he started, as he picked as his nails nervously, "I think it's that I feel so...guilty that I'm not doing all the things I should be doing."  
"What things?"  
"You know, going to school. Going to work. Getting my driver's license, for crying out loud. I was studying up for the test before....you know. All this. My friends are all going to school. Driving. Hanging out with each other. Doing all the things I should be doing."  
"What if, right now, there was no one expecting you to do anything? Just you, no one else around, no school to worry about or boss or even your dad. Just for a little while, none of those things mattered anymore. How would you feel?"  
Sean thought long and hard for a moment. "I think I would feel relieved, to be honest," he answered.   
"Remember that what you've been through was no small thing," she said. "It's impacted your life deeply. Give yourself more time to heal, and try not to expect to be fully recovered just yet. It's not a quick process, but it will happen, little by little. And don't forget the progress you've made already. Think back to how things were at the beginning of therapy. I can see you've done a lot of hard work."  
Sean nodded, as her words set him to thinking. They talked awhile longer until it was time for him to leave.

  
Late that evening, he retreated up to his bedroom. He still hadn't replied back to Rebecca, and he wanted to.  
He sat on the edge of his bed, opening her last message back to him.  
_It sounds like a tough decision about school. If you ever need to talk more about it, I'm here,_ her text said.  
He dragged his hand over his face. What should he say to _that?_ Of course, it would be nice to talk to a friend about this, but he wasn't sure how much to divulge. So he simply replied, _Thank you, Rebecca,_ powered off his phone, and went to bed.


	6. Reorganization

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For a moment he wavered in the upstairs hallway and silently cursed his dad for trying to make him socialize. But he found his feet making their way down the stairs, regardless.

* * *

Sean’s breath lodged somewhere in his throat. “Rebecca is coming? _Here_?” he squeaked.

“Yes, she’ll be joining us for dinner in about 15 minutes,” Dennis explained. “I felt that it might be good for you two to get to know one another better. You need a good friend,” he said gently, putting his hand on Sean’s shoulder. “I thought you might have too much time to think about it if I told you earlier, so I waited until just now. I hope that’s all right.”

 _It’s absolutely not all right,_ Sean wanted to yell, but logic kicked in before he opened his mouth. His dad was right. He would have probably tried to back out if he had been told sooner that she was coming. He sighed deeply and answered, “Yeah, it’s okay,” without much conviction. “Good!” Dennis said with a smile. “Dinner is almost ready.” Sean’s eyes widened, and he rushed upstairs. Brushing his teeth hurriedly, he rolled on some deodorant, and grabbed a clean T-shirt. He ran a hand through his hair and hoped it was sufficient.

For a moment he wavered in the upstairs hallway and silently cursed his dad for trying to make him socialize. But he found his feet making their way down the stairs, regardless. As he stepped into the living room, the mix of confusing emotions churning in his gut left him teetering on the edge of panic when he heard a car in their driveway. He ducked back into the darkened stairwell. _This is stupid, this is stupid, this is stupid,_ was all he could think. He took some deep breaths and stepped back out, determined to act like an adult.

Dennis opened the front door and greeted Rebecca. Sean stepped towards them and greeted her tentatively. She smiled at him and said hello. His heart did a little flip, and he stepped back so she could enter. He was sure he was going to mess this up somehow.

Dennis took Rebecca’s coat and hung it up, then stepped into the kitchen. “I hope a roast sounds good to you,” he said brightly to Rebecca. Sean’s stomach rumbled loudly, eliciting a chuckle from their guest. Feeling slightly embarrassed, he ducked into the kitchen, grabbing a stack of plates and some silverware for the three of them. “Uh…can I get you something to drink?” he asked Rebecca as he set the table. “We have soda, juice, milk….coffee…” his voice trailed off. “I think I’ll just have water, please,” she said. “Okay,” he replied, grabbing some glasses. “Dad? How about you?” he asked his father, who was pulling the roast out of the oven. “Grab me a soda, would you?” Dennis answered. Sean moved to comply, then handed Rebecca her water as he sat down. “I promise I won’t spill it on you this time,” he whispered with a wry smile. Her hand came up to smother her giggle, and Sean felt himself relaxing a bit. Maybe this was going to be okay. Dennis brought out the roast, then served up their guest first. “Do you want some of the potatoes and carrots too?” he offered. “Yes, please,” she responded. Dennis filled Sean’s plate next, then helped himself.

As they ate, Dennis smoothly kept the conversation rolling, much to Sean’s relief. It felt too soon, though, when dinner was over, and Dennis had stepped into the kitchen to wash the dishes. Sean cast about for something to say or do. “Uh…want to turn on a movie or something?” he awkwardly asked. Rebecca nodded, and they both rose to settle in on the living room couch. “What kind of movies do you like?” he asked, flipping to the movie listings. “Why don’t you pick something?” she offered. “Just…no horror, please?” she added, with a half-smile. Feeling nervous, he chose an action film he’d already seen, hoping she would be okay with it.

As the opening credits started, Sean sat back against the cushions, letting out a quiet sigh. “Hey…thanks for having me over,” Rebecca said, looking over at him. He inwardly groaned. “Well…to be honest, it was my dad’s idea,” he admitted. “I’m glad you’re here, though.” He felt the truth of those words resonate in his heart. “Really glad,” he added, meaning it. “Thanks,” she replied, smiling. “I hope you didn’t mind me messaging you the other day.”

“Mind? No,” he said. “It was really nice of you.”

“I’m glad.” The movie was starting, but Rebecca held his gaze. “Did you decide what you want to do about school?” she asked, tentatively. Sean looked down, feeling like he’d had the wind knocked out of him. A nervous sigh punctuated his answer. “No. I’m sure I need to figure it out, quick, or I’ll be held back a year.”

“I’m sure it’s hard to make that choice,” she responded, sympathetically. “Is it because of what happened to you? Does that make it difficult?” she gently prodded, laying a hand on his arm. Sean wanted to cover his face with his hands. But he tried to muster up a reasonable response. “Yeah,” he started, and tried to keep back the memories starting to pop into his mind. “It happened…between school and work. I was on my bike.” he picked at his nails, worried that his hands might start shaking.

She nodded, her expression serious. “You probably wonder, what if it could happen again?” Sean nodded, his throat constricting. He swallowed and went on. “They already caught the guy. He’s in jail. I shouldn’t be worried…but when I think about going back, all those memories…they keep trying to come back up again. It’s something you never think could ever happen to you…but then it does, and you feel like, well, if that could happen, what else is out there? It’s so hard to even feel _safe_ anymore.”

“I think I understand,” she said. “It must change your perspective radically when the unthinkable happens.” Sean nodded, feeling relieved to be understood.

“Can you do school from home?” she asked. “Maybe they have online classes or something? Until you feel better about it.” Sean mentally kicked himself for not thinking of this. He would have to check and see if that was an option. “That’s a good idea. Thanks,” he said. “Sure,” she responded. Sean felt guilty for monopolizing the conversation. “I feel like I’ve only talked about my problems so far. Why don’t you tell me about yourself instead?” he asked, rubbing the back of his neck. “Oh, well, what do you want to know?” she asked, her smile encouraging.

“Uh, well…do you have any brothers and sisters?”

“Yeah, I have a younger brother,” she answered. “My mom and dad both work, so I look out for my little brother after school till they get home. He’s probably old enough to stay home alone, but I like to put on all sorts of airs about how difficult he is to keep out of trouble. It drives him up the wall,” she giggled. “He makes sure to find ways to get me back, though, so I guess fair is fair.”

Sean chuckled. “Poor kid,” he smiled.

“Nah, Danny is tough, he can take it,” she laughed lightly. “How about you?” she asked. “Is it just you and your dad?” 

Sean felt a tiny tug of sadness. “Yeah. My mom left when I was a baby. I never knew her. Dad so far hasn’t remarried, but you know, maybe someday.” He shrugged.

“Sorry,” she said, looking apologetic.

“It’s okay. Do you guys have any pets?” he countered, changing the subject.

“Yeah, a dog and a cat. I’m a little partial to the cat, myself. He’s decided I belong to him, so he sleeps on my pillow every night. His name’s Rascal.” She rolled her eyes. “Every day he likes to remind me why I named him that.” 

Sean chuckled. “We used to have a cat when I was younger. She was really sweet. Super fat and fluffy, hah. She loved to beg for treats. Sometimes I miss her.”

“Maybe you could get another cat someday,” Rebecca responded. “Maybe,” he nodded.

They chatted lightly for awhile longer, then caught the end of the movie. After it was over, Sean asked if she wanted to stay for dessert. “My parents are coming for me around 9:30, so I can stay for a bit longer.” “Okay,” he answered, and they split the last of the chocolate eclairs from the fridge.

“Don’t tell my dad we ate these,” he whispered into her ear. “He’ll kill me later, but I’d like to put it off as long as possible.” Rebecca giggled and whispered back conspiratorially. “Don’t worry. Your secret is safe with me.” Her response took on a deeper meaning in his heart, and he smiled genuinely at his friend.


	7. Scars

* * *

Sean wasn't sure when his mood had begun to lighten. Things were looking up. He had a good friend who supported him, he had started online classes to continue his education, and his dad had been taking him out to begin practicing driving again. His confidence in himself was beginning to return. It felt good.  
All of these changes had been so gradual, that he hadn't realized just how well things were going until he hit a bump in the road. It started when he woke up feeling sore across his midsection, in the same area as the long scar which now decorated the surface of his skin. He'd tried to ignore his scars in the past, preferring not to even look at them, but this time he laid in bed, tracing a finger across the marks in remembrance.   
He figured the soreness was likely from helping his dad move all those boxes in the garage the day before. He wondered if his abdominal muscles were scarred, too---maybe that was why the heavy lifting had left him so disproportionately sore. The scars up until now hadn't been bothering him much. After they had healed, there had been the itching, which was ridiculously annoying. But all that had subsided, aside from the occasional pulling sensation when he stretched the wrong way. This soreness was too much like how it had felt when he had still been healing, and it was difficult to be faced with it again.   
Now, as he felt the familiar sensation of pain and took the time to really look at the scars that tracked across his belly, sadness welled up within. It was more like a bittersweet longing---a wish that things could have gone differently, that day. It felt like it had just happened yesterday, yet also a lifetime ago. Things were so different now.   
A few tears escaped his eyes as the memories again washed over him. He felt the anxiety of those painful moments. They were there, and they hurt. He wished he could go back and change the course of time, but he knew that was impossible.   
His hand instinctively reached for his phone. Rebecca's number was there, and he hesitated a moment before typing out a message to her.  
_Hi, Rebecca. I hope you're doing well today. Just having a bit of a rough day. Take care._  
 _Sean_  
He hit send and dragged a hand over his eyes. Easing out of bed, he headed for the bathroom, hoping a hot shower could dispel these feelings.   
Half an hour later, moving slowly, he made his way downstairs to get some breakfast. His father greeted him, offering Sean a smile as he readied himself for work. "How are you this morning, Bud?" Dennis asked. "Sore," Sean replied, as he rubbed his midsection, a small frown on his face. "From yesterday? Hmm, maybe you're a little out of shape, eh?" Dennis teased with a wink. "Yeah, maybe," Sean answered without conviction. He thought for a moment before deciding to confide in his dad.   
"I think it's my scars," he said, looking at Dennis seriously. "Oh, well, that's different," his dad replied, all humor gone. "It's really bothering you, huh? I'm sorry," he said, giving Sean a quick hug. Sean sighed. "Thanks, Dad," he said. "It just...feels a little too much like...before, you know?"   
"Ohhh, I think I understand," Dennis nodded. "How bad is it? Does it need looked at?" he asked with some concern. "I don't think so," Sean answered. "I don't think it's serious." He frowned, feeling unsure. "How about you let me know if it gets worse, huh?" Dennis put a hand on his shoulder comfortingly. "Sure, Dad, that sounds good." Sean smiled slightly, feeling some better about it. "I've got to get to work now," Dennis said, checking the time. "Give me a call if you need me," he reassured Sean. "Thanks, Dad, love you," he responded. "Love you too, Son." Dennis shut the door behind him.  
Sean watched the vehicle pull away, then grabbed some cereal and eased into a chair. He checked his phone and had a message waiting from Rebecca.   
_Sorry to hear you're having a rough day. Wanna talk about it? I can come by after my last class and we can chat._  
Sean smiled. He didn't want to impose on Rebecca, but it felt good to know she was there for him. He was about to decline, but something prodded him to accept her offer.   
_Thanks,_ he typed back. _I think that sounds good. We've got plenty of food here if you want to stay for dinner._  
 _Sure, I'll see you around 2:30,_ she responded a few minutes later.  
Sean smiled, feeling lighter already. _See you then,_ he sent.

Later that day, Sean had completed his schoolwork online, and was just easing down onto the couch, when he heard a knock at his door. A small grunt escaped him, his muscles protesting as he stood and made his way to the door. Rebecca's smiling face on the other side of it caused an answering smile of his own.  
"Hi, Rebecca," he said as she stepped inside. "Hey, Sean," she responded. He took her coat and hung it up, and then turned and impulsively gave her a quick hug. Blushing slightly, he stepped back and absently rubbed his stomach. Rebecca's smile deepened, and she led the way into the living room. Sean followed her and they sat together on the couch.   
"Are you hungry?" he asked. "No, not yet," she replied. "Let's talk first, then eat. How does that sound?"  
"Okay, sure." Sean fidgeted, anxiety creeping in. "How were classes today?" he covered his nervousness with small talk. "Just fine," she responded. "We had a pop quiz in biology, but I think I did okay on it."   
"I'm sure you aced it," Sean nodded.   
"So what's up? You said you're having a rough day." Rebecca didn't waste any time getting to the point.   
Sean sighed and looked at his hands. "Yeah. I overdid it working with Dad yesterday, and now I'm really sore. It's...the scars that hurt."  
Rebecca nodded. "I'm sorry," she responded.  
"I feel silly for even letting it get to me. It's just sore muscles. But the hard part is that it feels so much like how it was when I was still healing. And even though those memories aren't as difficult to revisit as they used to be, it's still...painful." Rebecca tentatively took his hand. "I can imagine it is. But I'm glad you feel like you can talk about it. It's good to reach out when you're hurting."  
"Thank you," he said, giving her hand a squeeze. "I used to always avoid even looking at those scars. Sometimes just seeing them in the mirror was too much to handle. But today I felt like I wanted to look. I wanted to remember."  
"That sounds like a good thing," Rebecca said. "It sounds like you're making peace with what happened? At least a little bit." Sean nodded. "I think so, maybe a little."   
Rebecca looked uncertain for a moment, then asked hesitantly, "Do you...want to show me the scars? You don't have to, if you don't want to," she quickly added. Sean gulped, his face paling. "Uhh...I'm not sure," he stammered. Part of him felt like sharing it with her, but he felt incredibly self-conscious at the same time. She squeezed his hand. "It's okay if you don't want to." Sean blew out a breath. "It's not that I don't want to..." his voice trailed off, then he cleared his throat nervously. "I just...haven't really shown anyone before. I mean, my dad might have seen, in the hospital, but I don't know." He frowned. "I wasn't awake when he got there. My memory's really fuzzy for that part. I'm guessing I was already stitched up and bandaged when he saw me." Rebecca nodded, watching his face, her expression solemn.  
Sean knew he was rambling---and putting off the question. His mind raced. His heart pounded, but he steeled his nerves and took the plunge. Eyes averted, he slowly lifted his shirt, his hand shaking slightly.   
A soft gasp escaped Rebecca's lips, but she quickly apologized. "I'm sorry, it's just...imagining what this looked like, when it first happened, it's..." she subsided. She reached out tentatively and began to trace the longest scar with a feather-light touch, but Sean flinched away involuntarily. She quickly pulled her hand back, and he chanced a glance in her direction.  
When he saw tears glistening in her eyes, he swiftly pulled his shirt down and put his arms around her. "I'm sorry," he said, his breath catching. "I didn't mean to hurt you." She scoffed into his shoulder, her voice slightly muffled. "You were the one who was hurt, not me," she said, getting choked up. "It just makes it so much more real seeing the scars. That's all." Sean held his breath tightly, trying not to break into tears, himself. His shoulders shook slightly as he rasped, "Yeah. I know what you mean." Hearing her softly begin to cry made him lose his composure, and he held her closer as they both wept together for a few long moments. Rebecca recovered first, and sat rubbing Sean's back as his own tears subsided. He let out a shuddering sigh and she hugged him close before pulling back a bit.   
"I hope I didn't embarrass you by crying," she said, wiping her eyes. "I don't want you to feel like you need to be ashamed of your scars. I'm glad you felt you could share it with me. I wanted to understand what you were going through, where you've been. It means a lot to me."  
Sean wiped his face off on his sleeve. "Thank you. I'm..." he searched for words. "I'm really glad to have you here with me. It means a lot to me, too."   
Rebecca squeezed his hand, and then stood. "I just need to go fix my face up a bit. I'll be right back," she sniffed and threw a smile back at him while she stepped towards the bathroom.   
Sean headed into the kitchen, and splashed his face with some cold water in the sink. He was drying off with a towel as he thought about what to make for a meal.   
Rebecca stepped into the kitchen a few minutes later. "You getting hungry?" he asked her. "Definitely," she nodded. "What about some fried chicken?" he suggested. "That sounds wonderful. I'll help," she responded brightly. "Thanks," he smiled. "Want to grab the chicken out of the fridge while I get the spices out?"   
"Yes, sir!" Rebecca saluted smartly with a giggle. Sean couldn't hold back a snicker, and they both dissolved into laughter. 


	8. Connection

Sean was feeling restless. He wanted to do new things, reach further, do more.   
Since showing Rebecca his scars, he felt that their friendship had grown even closer. She had a way of making him laugh, and she helped him feel supported when he was down or when old memories tried to get the best of him.   
He was starting to feel confident in his driving skills--- his dad had been suggesting he give the test a try, and he felt that it was within his reach--- he'd try it soon.   
Outside, summer break was only a couple of months away, and he finally felt like his heart was thawing. He was going to be ok. He was going to make it. He wasn't trapped in his pain anymore. He was gaining freedom in his head and in his heart, and he just knew--- he was going to make it.

* * *

Sean and Rebecca were just leaving a movie theater on a Saturday afternoon, laughing and chatting, when Sean's phone rang in his pocket. He hadn't heard from his friend Jonathan in a bit, so he was surprised and pleased to see his name on the display. "Hey!" he answered, mouthing "Jonathan" at Rebecca's inquiring gaze. Rebecca fell into step with Sean's relaxed gait as they headed back to their bikes, but paused when he abruptly stopped in his tracks. "In two weeks?" she heard him say, his voice not sounding quite right. "It sounds like fun. Let me just check my calendar and I'll let you know," he responded, then said his goodbyes and hung up.   
Sean stuck his phone in his pocket, then began walking quickly over to the bike rack. Swiftly unlocking his bike, he nearly jumped onto it and pedaled off. His hand stilled, however, when his awareness zeroed in on Rebecca's gentle touch on his arm. "Is everything okay?" she asked. Sean groaned and closed his eyes. "I'm sorry," he replied after a moment, not immediately explaining himself. He looked around, suddenly feeling self-conscious. "Do you mind if we talk back at your place?" he asked her. "Sure, no problem," she was quick to respond, reaching down to unlock her own bike.   
Sean remained quiet as they pedaled back to Rebecca's house. He felt guilty for nearly running off and leaving her.   
As they arrived at her place, they both wheeled their bikes into Rebecca's garage. She quietly led the way into the house.   
By this time Sean was used to the bustle of activity that met him every time he stepped into her home. In the kitchen, her parents enthusiastically greeted both of them. Warm earth tones infused the room with a cozy feeling, and a few hanging plants punctuated the cheerful decor. The family dog, a golden retriever, had ceased his loud barking to lick anyone's hand that was accessible. Down the hall, both music and video game sound effects emanated from her younger brother's bedroom doorway.  
"Hi, Mom, hi, Dad!" Rebecca smiled, hugging each of them.  
"How was the movie?" Rebecca's dad, Robert, asked.  
"It was great! We loved it," she answered with a smile.   
Sean hung back, his smile slightly forced. He liked Rebecca's parents a lot, but his mind was elsewhere.   
"You're welcome to stay for dinner of course, Sean," her mom said, moving to include him in a hug.   
"Thanks, Mrs. Summers," he replied, feeling a little awkward.   
"Come now, we know each other better than that. Just call me Bonnie," she said.   
"I'll try," Sean answered, smiling sheepishly.  
"We'll be in my room, Mom," Rebecca said as she started towards the hallway. Sean followed.  
"Hey, Danny!" Rebecca called into her brother's doorway as they strode past it.   
"Hey Sis!" he hollered back, sounding a bit distracted.   
Rebecca chuckled as she led the way into her room, and moved to close the door. "Sorry," she apologized with a smile. "I know you wanted a quiet place to talk, and my place isn't always so quiet."   
"That's all right," Sean quickly reassured her. "Your family is really nice. Sometimes it's a little _too_ quiet at my house."   
Rebecca sat on her bed next to her sleeping cat, Rascal. He awakened, looking perturbed at the disturbance, but was mollified easily as she absently stroked his fur.  
Sean chose the chair at her desk to sit in. Guilt chipped at him as he chose his words. "I'm sorry if I ruined the mood after all the fun we had," he started in.  
"You didn't ruin anything," Rebecca replied calmly.  
Sean sighed, looking away. "Jonathan was the one who called me, outside the theater." Rebecca nodded.  
"Well, see---and this is the stupid part. All he wanted was to invite me to a pool party he's having in two weeks," he continued. Rebecca frowned momentarily. "Is that bad?" she asked, unsure why this would be upsetting.   
"Yes---no---I mean, it shouldn't be. It should be fine. It should be great!" he threw his hands up in the air, suddenly feeling intense frustration. "It's just me and my stupid hangups that get in the way."   
"Hey, it's not stupid, okay? You've got to cut yourself a little more slack than that," Rebecca countered, shaking a finger in his direction.   
"Thanks. It's just so frustrating when something so simple becomes this big deal." Sean sighed and ran a hand roughly through his hair.   
"So...what makes it a big deal?" Rebecca prodded, stroking Rascal's ear while his purring increased in volume.  
Sean averted his gaze, picking up a painted rock from Rebecca's desktop. He ran his thumb across the smooth surface as he quietly said, "My scars."   
Suddenly it all made perfect sense to Rebecca. "I understand now," she said, just as quietly. "What do you want to do? Do you want to go?"  
"Well, yeah, I'd love to go. I just don't know how I'm going to...handle what people might say if they notice." His jaw tensed as he closed his hand in a fist around the rock, clenching his fingers tightly.  
"What if you just kept a T-shirt on?" Rebecca asked.  
"I thought about that. I just wonder if that would look weird? Especially in the pool," Sean thought, his brows furrowed.   
"I don't know," Rebecca hummed in thought. "I wonder if maybe... _maybe,_ you need to feel more at ease with your scars yourself? You could even show your dad, and see what he thinks about it?"   
Sean sucked in a breath. He hadn't thought about that. "I think I don't want to show my dad, because it feels like it would hurt him too much to see," he said sadly. "And I've hurt him enough already as it is."  
Rebecca stood and crossed the room to place a hand on Sean's shoulder. "You didn't hurt him," she insisted. "You _being_ hurt...made him hurt for you. It wasn't your doing."   
Sean stood and held Rebecca tightly. "Thank you," he whispered. "You're welcome," she replied, just as softly, hugging him back. She gently laid one hand over his midsection, and said, "You're gonna be okay."  
The warmth of her hand felt like it was melting his uncertainties and doubts. Sean had never felt this close to someone before. His heart pounding, he leaned in to press a soft kiss to Rebecca's temple. "Thank you for always supporting me," he said simply, pulling back slightly to gaze at her face. "Of course. And I always will," she responded, and her eyes held a warmth and sparkle that he couldn't look away from. Feeling hopelessly drawn in by his awareness of her, he slowly angled his mouth towards hers, hit by a jolt of surprise and pleasure when she closed the distance between them and pressed her lips to his. The kiss deepened and she wrapped both arms around him.   
They were both a little breathless when they broke apart, and Sean felt almost giddy. He smiled and Rebecca giggled a little. "That was fun," she said, and reached up to tickle him briefly. He laughed and gave her one more quick hug. He was going to hold onto this moment as long as it lasted. 


End file.
